Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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