3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
