Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
