The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need a burrito and a hug.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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