People with herpes should wear stickers.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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