I think my vagina is haunted
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
