3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
