I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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