..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
