Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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