I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
