Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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