I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
