Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
