So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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