If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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