'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
