I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
