hotel room ftw
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
