i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
