i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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