:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
