what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize