Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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