I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize