I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
