My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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