Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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