How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize