I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
