This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
