Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
