so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
