It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize