so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
