The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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