it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
