i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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