when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
