Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
