i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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