dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
