Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
