I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
