I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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