That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
