Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
