i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
