you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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