is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
