Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize