im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
