So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was like eating out sand paper
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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