I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
