People with herpes should wear stickers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
