Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
