i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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