I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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