I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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