I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
