One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
