You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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