She is in my trunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
