She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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