I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My feet surprised me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
