I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
