Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
