Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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