I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
