someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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