You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
