He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
