Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
