my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
