Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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