he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize